


Today

by Master_Thief_Gray_Shadow



Category: BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Gen, Growing Up, Trans Female Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-28
Updated: 2020-02-28
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:35:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22937998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Master_Thief_Gray_Shadow/pseuds/Master_Thief_Gray_Shadow
Summary: Ten years. Ten birthdays.
Relationships: Seta Kaoru/Shirasagi Chisato
Comments: 2
Kudos: 70





	Today

**Author's Note:**

> I got this finished sometime near the beginning of the month and then everything afterward felt like a fuckin slog so it feels like I wrote this forever ago
> 
> Anyway a fleeting birthday to Bandori's resident theater kid

Today, he is eight years old.

He’s seated at the head of the table, an elaborately decorated layer cake studded with candles placed in front of him. It’s like all of the previous birthdays he remembers. But unlike the ones in the past, where the guests were mostly family members he didn’t know he even knew, or worse, his parents’ work associates, the people in front of him are friendly, familiar. They smile expectantly at him, the light from the candles reflecting in the soft lavender eyes they all seem to share. The eyes of the girl sitting right next to him are the ones that seem to be shining the brightest, though.

“Kao-chan,” She says, leaning forward, “aren’t you going to make a wish?”

He turns to look at her, and he can’t help as a smile nearly splits his face in half.

“Y-yeah, of course,” He says as tears start to prick at his eyes. “I’ve just...I’ve never had a birthday with a friend before.” He rubs his eyes as the tears roll down his cheeks.

“Silly Kao-chan,” She laughs. “Why are you crying?”

“I’m just,” he sniffles, “I’m just so happy!” There are practically waterfalls flowing from both his eyes now. “Thank you so much Chii-chan! This is the best birthday I’ve ever had!”

He blows out the candles. He wishes that he can spend every birthday, if not with her, with friends like her who he loves.

* * *

Today, he is nine years old.

At his insistence, today he is not seated at the head of the table. He is not seated at a table at all. Instead he is in a red velvet theater seat. She is sitting next to him, but at the moment he isn’t registering it. He is transfixed by the action on the stage.

The actors, adorned in elaborate and vibrant costumes straight out of a painting, are passionately retelling a timeless story of love and tragedy. Through staged swordfights, through song, through impassioned dances that were lit in such a way to make it seem like the two leads are the only people in the world. The male lead is so princely and handsome, but apparently he, as well as all the other characters, is played by a woman. He never knew that a woman could look like that. He never knew a woman could be a prince.

It’s the final act. The couple lies side by side, fingers interlaced, dead. Driven to their doom by a love that could never be. He has been crying for much of the runtime, but now he is almost bawling.

The curtain soon falls. There is a roar as the audience gives an ovation, and meanwhile he continues to cry. She begins tugging at his hand as they prepare to leave the theatre.

“What’s wrong, Kao-chan?” She asks as soon as her mother escorts them into the lobby. “Didn’t you like the play?”

“I did,” He says through choked sobs, “but it was so sad! Why couldn’t they be together?” He buries his face in his hands as he cries. She rubs his back reassuringly as they leave.

On the way home all he can think is that this is the best birthday he’s ever had so far.

* * *

Today, he is ten years old.

Since she couldn’t find time to see another play this year, there is a party at his house like there normally is. Apparently her career is starting to really take off. She can’t seem to find the time for things like that any more. He doesn’t mind. He’s happy for her. As long as he gets to be by her side.

The party is going smoothly when he feels a tap on his shoulder. He turns around to see her, looking oddly serious.

“Chii-chan? What’s wrong?”

There’s a hint of sadness in her eyes. “I need to talk with you,” She says, grabbing his hand. “Alone.” She pulls him along through the crowd of people, and he is too confused to resist.

At last they are in a more isolated and quiet corner of the house. Somewhere upstairs, where nobody is likely to bother them. She gazes nervously down at her feet. This is so unlike her, he thinks. Normally she’s so confident. What does she have to say to him?

“Kao-chan,” She says, finally. “I’m sorry, but I don’t think we can hang out anymore.”

His eyes go wide as the shock of what she’s telling him hits in full force. “What? Why?”

Her eyes meet his, and they’re full of regret. “You know how I’ve been getting more roles lately, right?” He nods. “Well, soon I’m going to be doing that full time.” She looks down at her feet again. “Kao-chan, I’m sorry.”

“Chii-chan…” He steps forward and wraps her into a hug. “This is great, Chii-chan. I’m so happy for you!”

He is happy. He’s glad that she’s finally finding success doing what she loves. But at the same time she’s leaving him. He’s going to be alone again.

He tries his hardest not to cry onto her shoulder.

* * *

Today, he is eleven years old.

For the first time in three years, she’s not with him on his birthday. Instead it’s back to the way it was before. He is seated at the head of the table, cake with candles in front of him. He is surrounded by adults he doesn’t even know. He scans the crowd.

He thinks he sees a flash of blonde hair. He blinks, and it’s gone.

He looks down at the candles and blows them out. He wishes he could see her again.

* * *

Today, he is twelve years old.

He has not seen her in person in two years. But he has seen her on TV. Plenty of times. He watches her shows regularly, and he takes notes. He’s decided he wants to follow her down that path, to become an actor like her. Maybe that way he can see her again.

It’s the same as last year. Head of the table, cake with candles. But this year he has been trying to at least talk to some of the adults. They work with his father, after all. They know where the work is for an actor. If he gets to know them maybe he can move up.

Unfortunately, he doesn’t like the feeling he gets from a lot of them. They seem cold and unfeeling. Not friendly at all. They intimidate him.

He blows out the candles. He makes the same wish as he did last year, but this time he adds that he would like it to be on stage.

* * *

Today, he is thirteen years old.

All day he has been told that he is going to start growing into a man soon. Especially by his father, who seemed excited by the prospect, in his own muted and stoic way. All this talk unsettles him. He’s not sure why, it just does.

He’s doing what he did last year, talking amicably to the party guests despite their intimidating demeanor. He’s gotten better at it. He’s learned how to adopt a sort of persona, a character he can put on in day-to-day life. Apparently it’s called method acting. The character he’s chosen is that of a prince, charming and charismatic, someone who could win anyone over with a few well-spoken words. The character is a bit rough at the moment, but he’s working on it.

He is at the head of the table. The cake with candles is in front of him. Before he can blow them out his father calls everyone’s attention. Apparently he’s proposing a toast.

“To my son Kaoru,” He says, raising his glass, “who soon will be entering manhood.” All of the other guests raise their glasses and cheer. But for some reason he feels sick. His stomach is twisting itself into knots and he’s starting to wonder if he might throw up if he tries to blow the candles out. Without thinking he gets up from his seat and pushes through the crowd of people, and makes a blind dash as soon as he has the room.

He locks himself in the bathroom, breathing heavily. He slowly approaches the sink and leans over it, waiting for his breathing to steady. After a moment he looks up and catches his reflection in the mirror. Something is off about it. He leans closer.

There is a series of odd dark spots on his chin. Tiny ones, only noticeable if one were to look closely. He runs a finger over them, noting the slightly scratchy texture.

It unsettles him. He’s not sure why, it just does.

* * *

Today, she is fourteen years old.

She has been shaving diligently ever since she figured out how. Her face is her most important asset, and any hair on it is unsightly. Her father has praised her for being so dedicated to being clean-shaven and respectable, but his praise comes from a place of misunderstanding. She isn’t shaving to be what he calls “respectable.”

The party this year had gone much the same as the last, with additional talk of how tall she had been getting. That part of puberty, at least, does not bother her. It isn’t unusual for princes to be tall, after all.

The guests have cleared out. The house is mostly empty once again. Which means that it’s a perfect opportunity to tell her parents that she had done a lot of thinking in the past year. She knows who she is now, and they should know too.

“Father, Mother,” She calls to them as they sit in the den, unwinding after the party with glasses of scotch. “I need to tell you something.”

“Do you know what high school you want to go to?” Her father says, only half looking up at her. Of course he immediately assumes it’s about her career. He can never seem to think about her in any other terms.

“Yes, but it’s not about that.” She has his attention now. He looks up at her fully. Both of her parents’ eyes are on her. “It’s a personal thing.”

“What is it Kaoru?” Her mother says. Her voice is gentle and reassuring.

She takes a deep breath and straightens her stance. She closes her eyes before opening them again.

“I don’t want to be your son anymore,” She says. Her father nearly drops the decanter.

“What?” He says as he stands up. His tone is tranquil and calm, but there is an undercurrent of rage in it that sends a shiver down her spine. “What brought this on? Why are you casting aside your family name like this?”

“N-no, that’s not what I meant.” His terrifying aura is crushing any attempts at appearing strong. Her father did not get angry often, but when he did it was nothing short of a nightmare. “I mean I want to be your daughter instead.”

“Kaoru.” His voice is so cold. “You are my son. That’s who you are.”

“I’m not!” She raises her voice in a feeble attempt to match his intensity. “I’m not a boy! I’m a girl who was born with a boy’s body!”

“Enough.” He hasn’t raised his voice at all, yet it’s booming, deafening. “You are at a certain age where you will play make-believe. I understand this.”

“But I--”

“Kaoru.” He stares her dead in the eyes. “You must understand that you are not actually a girl.”

Her legs are trembling. Her voice won’t come out no matter how hard she tries to force it. She’s been defeated. Her head hangs as she turns and leaves the room. She slinks off to her bedroom, and cries into her pillow until the small hours of the morning.

* * *

Today, she is fifteen years old.

The cheap kotatsu she bought broke last week. She can’t afford to get it repaired, or replaced. That money goes towards rent. For now she sits at the broken kotatsu, now functionally little more than an end table, wrapped in blankets in hopes of fending off the cold. A cupcake with a single lit candle is in front of her. In a hoarse, cracking voice, she sings. She’s slightly disappointed in herself. She’s been training her singing voice so diligently lately, she should be at performance quality. But maybe it’s hard to reach that quality when one is choking back tears.

She finishes singing and blows out the candle, and wishes that she wasn’t so alone in the world. She wishes she had friends to celebrate with. She wishes she could see that girl again for real, not just on TV.

She eats the cupcake in silence. It’s the first thing she’s eaten today. She wonders what will kill her first, cold or starvation.

She wonders if anyone would even miss her.

* * *

Today, she is sixteen years old.

One of her classmates was acting strange today. Which is saying something, since she always acts a little strange. Normally she’s almost aggressively friendly toward everyone, but today she had been uncharacteristically quiet and secretive. She spoke to others in hushed whispers, as if afraid of being overheard. But only to others. Her classmate has been conspicuously avoiding her.

She wonders if she’s done something wrong. She’s been making good progress at this school, having nearly made it through most of the school year. She doesn’t want to have to start over. Her heart sinks a little.

At least there’s the drama club. No matter what, she feels like she has a place there. She opens the clubroom door, her usual dramatic greeting on the tip of her tongue.

“SURPRISE!”

Her words freeze in her throat as she is bombarded with confetti. She can only stand in the doorway, stunned, taking in the sight of her smiling clubmates surrounded by balloons and streamers.

“Um, forgive me, but…” She struggles to find her words, still recovering from the initial shock. “What is the occasion?”

“What? You mean you forgot your own birthday?” Her eyes widen as the crowd parts to reveal her classmate. She’s grinning broadly, the usual sparkle in her bright green eyes back in full force.

“Hina?” Hina walks up to her almost expectantly. “But...how did you know?”

“Well, I’ve been learning everyone’s birthdays in 2-A so I can surprise them, but like, secretly, because it can’t be a surprise if they know, right? And that’s not boppin’ at all, right?” She jabs a thumb in the direction of the mousy-looking bespectacled girl in the corner of the room. “You hang out with Maya-chan all the time so I just asked her because I knew she’d know!”

Maya blushes. “Sorry Kaoru-san,” She says, scratching the back of her head. “She was really persuasive.”

She winces internally. Maya is a sensitive type, and Hina a forceful one. She feels a tug on her arm, as if to remind her of that fact.

“Hey, come on!” Hina drags her further into the room, toward a table with a snack spread surrounding a rich-looking chocolate cake. The cake has a series of lit candles arranged around its edges in a circle. “Blow ‘em out! Make a wish, Kaoru-kun!”

She’s been good about not crying in public lately. A few tender stage tears, something to enhance the drama of any given moment, was all she’d usually let out. But now there are real tears welling up, and it’s getting harder to hold them back.

“Ah, but before I do…” She says, internally proud of herself for being able to keep her voice steady in this moment. “Thank you, my dear little kittens, for this wonderful surprise. I shall treasure it for as long as I live!”

She would be right to treasure it, she thinks as she blows out the candles. For the first time in her life she truly feels like the party is for her.

* * *

Today, she is seventeen years old.

The drama club’s party was once again lovely this year. She’s already eaten, but since it’s her birthday she’s decided she wants to treat herself. Perhaps that ramen place in the shopping district, with the kitsune udon she only wishes she could eat every day. She steps out past the school gate, her mind hazy with the thought of warm broth in her belly.

She is pulled from her thoughts as a limousine pulls up in front of her. The door opens, and out steps a woman in a suit and dark sunglasses.

“Seta-san,” She says cooly, “please step into the vehicle. Your presence is requested.” She gestures towards the open door.

Her heart races a little. She knows this suit, yes. She, and others, work for the leader of the band she plays for. But usually when they’re around said band leader is also present. It’s possible that she’s waiting in the car, but if she was she would probably have made her presence known by now. Regardless, it’s clear she’s being summoned somewhere, and is in no position to refuse.

“Very well,” She says, tossing her hair before stepping into the car. Despite her nerves she at least needs to appear confident. It’s what she does as an actor. Upon seating herself inside she finds two other suited women waiting for her. “Ah, where is Kokoro? I must assume she sent you.”

“Tsurumaki-san’s whereabouts are unimportant right now,” One of them says. She reaches into one of her pockets and pulls out a strip of red fabric. “Put this on,” She says as she holds it out.

“Ah,” She says as she takes the fabric into her hands. The material is soft and smooth. Velvet. “How thoughtful to get me a tie for my birthday.”

“It’s a blindfold,” The suit says. “Put it on.”

A thin layer of sweat is forming on her forehead. What is going on? She knows she can trust Kokoro, even when her whims are outrageous, as they often are, but being in the dark like this is making her stomach tie itself in knots. Regardless, she ties the blindfold around her head and feels the limousine begin to move.

The ride feels longer than it probably is. The silence of the cabin and her lack of vision means that all she can focus on is the rapid pounding of her heart. There is sweat forming on her palms. She keeps her breathing steady, having trained herself not to buckle under stage fright, but the anxiety inside her only burns hotter with each passing minute. Finally she feels the vehicle pull to a stop. There is the sound of the door opening.

“Please step out, Seta-san. We have arrived.”

She gingerly exits the vehicle, inhibited by her blindness. Upon finding the ground she places her feet flatly on it and stands. She feels a calloused hand take her own.

“Please follow me. Do not let go.”

She follows in silence. Normally she would have some kind of in-character comment prepared for any given situation, but she’s just so lost. She’s too nervous. She feels like her nerves are finally getting the better of her. Her stomach feels heavy. The suit leading her comes to a stop and lets go of her hand. A moment later the blindfold is untied and falls away.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY!”

Before she even has a chance to take in her surroundings she’s nearly tackled by two smaller bodies. She barely manages to keep her footing as she looks down to see two girls hugging her waist, staring up at her with huge, bright smiles.

“A-ah, Kokoro, Hagumi! My dearest little kittens!” She reaches down to pat them on their heads. “What...what a pleasant surprise to see you this evening!” The shock is making it a little hard for her to get back into character.

“Sorry about the whole blindfold thing,” Another girl says as she approaches them. Despite her tired appearance, there was a glimmer of genuine joy in her pale gray eyes. “Kokoro was really into the whole surprise thing and wanted it to be perfect.”

“Ah, it’s no trouble at all Misaki,” She says as she manages to free herself. At least not more trouble than it was worth, certainly.

“Kaoru-san!” A soft, airy voice calls from over by a long table that she has only just noticed. It’s covered in all manner of expensive looking food, and at the center is a large chocolate cake that looks oddly similar to the one the drama club got her. She wonders what the deal with that is. “We got you sachertorte, since it’s your favorite!”

“Why thank you, Kanon,” She says as she draws closer to the cake. So wait...is this what sachertorte is? Has she been eating it for her birthday this whole time? She hadn’t been expecting to learn something new today, but here she is. “And thank you, everyone.” She turns around to look at her bandmates. Tears are again welling up in her eyes, but she feels okay letting them out now.

“Kaoru?” Kokoro bounds over to her. “Kaoru what’s wrong? Why are you crying?” She looks so deeply concerned. “Aren’t you happy?”

She sniffs. “Kokoro...my dearest little kitten...I am overjoyed.” She wipes at her eyes as the tears stream down her face. “So much so that my joy cannot be contained.” Again she feels herself being embraced by several pairs of arms. “Thank you so much. All of you. This is the best birthday I have ever experienced.”

She’s not always honest about everything. The Prince is a character, after all, and not the real her. But in this moment, as she’s surrounded by her friends, she’s baring everything to them.

* * *

Today, she is eighteen years old.

She has attended two parties today. The first held by the drama club (which was slightly somber, as this was the last time they would be celebrating her birthday) and the second by Hello, Happy World. The day has been long, and she is tired. She is home, resting. But she is not alone.

“Chisato?” She asks the smaller girl curled up at her side. “Are you asleep?”

Chisato wraps her arms tighter around her torso. “No,” She mumbles into her shoulder.

She chuckles as she gently strokes her long blonde hair. It’s just as beautiful as it was ten years ago. Perhaps moreso, as the person it’s attached to has grown into a beautiful young woman. She leans in to gently kiss the top of her head.

Time passes in silence. It’s cold outside, and a little chilly in the apartment, but the warmth of her beloved is all she needs. She wraps herself tighter around Chisato.

“Chii-chan,” She whispers. No answer. She must be asleep. She smiles softly and kisses her head again.

“Thank you for spending another birthday with me.”


End file.
